Valentine’s Day.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!
A day that has become symbolic with love.
How do you show somebody that you love them?
Is it with chocolate, wine, and roses?
A heartfelt letter proclaiming your undying love?
Or is it much more simple?
A shy smile, an intertwining of fingers as you stroll along, a stolen kiss under the light of a full moon?
And what about the other people in your life?
How do you show them that you love them?
We keep things more on the simple side in our home.
But that is because this is what works for us.
And it took us time to figure that out.
Love Languages.
Early in our marriage, I read a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The premise is that there are 5 primary ways of being shown love that fill your “love tank”.
They are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Usually one of these ways is your primary love language. There are tests you can take. I personally find that I’m pretty bad and still figuring out things with a test (I’m the person who marks “sometimes”, but almost never marks “always” or “never”).
With the love languages, I found that your primary language is usually the way that you most show love to others.
For me, I used to think my language was receiving gifts.
I love a good gift.
The mystery involved in receiving something.
The excitement as you open it up.
But over time, I learned that I most show love through Acts of Service.
When I wake up and start making breakfast for my children before my first cup of coffee… that’s how I show them I love them.
When I make their lunches…that’s how I show them I love them.
I do the laundry, but everyone is responsible for putting their stuff away.
And when I put my husband’s clothes away or iron them for him…that’s how I show him that I love him.
His love language, however, is physical touch.
He likes to hold hands, be near each other…and God love him, he picked the wife who likes that in small doses.
It’s not that I don’t want to be that girl.
I love that girl.
That is a girl who is a sweet as apple pie. With a side of sweet tea.
That is the girl who hugs her girlfriends when she sees them.
That is the girl who makes a stranger feel like her best friend.
And it all comes naturally.
None of that has come naturally to me.
No matter how deeply in my bones I wish that it were so, it has not.
But to love somebody in the way that most speaks to them, you do those things.
You learn how to love them in both the ways that speak to you and the ways that speak loudest to them.
Because Love is a Verb.
We show love through our actions.
To our significant others.
To our children.
And to the people that we pass each day on our daily walk of life.
The hubby got me a new perfume for Valentine’s Day. Ralph Lauren’s Romance. It was my go-to fragrance when I was the young mother with three toddlers in tow. Its scent made me feel beautiful on those days when I was wading through potty training and diaper changes.
I recently passed the perfume in the department store, stopped to smell it and was transported back to a time when our life was much more simple. I mentioned it to the hubby, who tucked that conversation away and surprised me with it.
Even more special to me than the gift, was the fact that he had listened to my words and then proceeded to show me “love in action.”
Are you treating love as a verb?
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy, but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 1 Corinthians 13:1
Let your light shine!
Amy
That was a lovely gesture <3 very romantic of your fella!
I still wear the same perfume now I wore as a single. BUT! If you let me smell some old scents from the 80's, I too can be transported fondly!
I think the Love Language things have been very helpful in many of my relationships. We give our own so easily, but if we really want to resonate, to impact, we have to venture into the others' languages. Helpful. I hope you inspire some people to delve 🙂
🙂 It was very sweet of him.
I have recently been wearing the same perfume that I wore right after college. He got me that one too. He had forgotten the name and had to ask the salespeople (it was from Victoria’s Secret, so it wasn’t hard for them to figure out the only perfume they still carry from the 90’s).
I do think it’s so helpful to recognize that everybody loves in different ways. 🙂
I’ve read the book 5 Languages of Love of Dr. Gary Chapman and it was a fantastic book! It’s like a miracle-worker on relationships when applied seriously. I enjoyed reading your post and story…and the picture with the valentine note just naturally put a smile on my face! 😊
Thank you 🙂 I think that book opened my eyes up to recognize that everyone feels loved in different ways.
I agree. I feel the same. And it’s really important that we are aware of that so we know how to express love in the way that the other person would understand as love. 🙂
Very good article! My son still has the little sticky notes his mother wrote to him when he got home from school and she was at work. Small treasures become big things.
Dwight
Thank you 🙂 That is so sweet that your son saved the notes from his mother. It really is the little things that tend to mean the most.
He is in his forties. She as nursing at the time and was not always there when they came home from school.
Love this post, Amy! Happy Valentine! Marcus
Thank you Marcus. I hope your Valentine’s was wonderful. 🙂
Thanks, Amy, it was !
We agreed with each other that we wouldn’t buy anything silly for Valentines this year – and certainly not flowers, because it’s such an organised racket by the florists. I did however go into town and pick up a flyer from the local independent bookstore – for my other half to go in and be interviewed for a book subscription service (where they send you a book each month that they think you will like).
I guess our thinking was that if we’re going to spend money, why not spend it on something that will last…
That sounds like it was a great idea!
We are moving away from clutter, so we want to make sure that we don’t get something just to put in a cabinet and feel like you can’t get rid of because it was a gift.
I agree that we should spend our money on meaningful, lasting things 🙂