Any of you who have been following me for a while know that I do a lot of pondering on the meaning of my life and the meaning of life in general.
Recently, I have been feeling like this existence is just a merry-go-round…. get up, make the donuts… you know how it goes (if you don’t get the reference, it’s from a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial in the ’80s).
I follow this 22-year-old photographer, @manueldietrichphotography on Instagram. He shares spectacular photos. He also has a Youtube channel where he sometimes shares edits from the trips. On Saturday, I watched this particular video (3 min):
The speech is by Alan Watts.
It made me question so many of the things I seek.
To wonder what I’m chasing.
To wonder what I’m sending my children out to chase.
The next day, yesterday, my Great Aunt Wilma passed away.
Death always seems to make me reflect even more on life.
No one is actually dead until the ripples they caused in the world die away. -Terry Pratchett
Once when one of my children was little, they said: “What if we are all just a part of someone’s dream?”
Hmmm…
Deep thoughts.
In an effort to live simply and move toward more of a minimalistic style, I have become less attached to “stuff”.
But sometimes, I keep things to which I have a strong attachment.
Those earrings were my grandmother’s. They make me smile every time I wear them.
The necklace that I have wrapped as a bracelet is made of cedar (juniper) beads. Purchased from a Native American roadside stand on my honeymoon in Arizona. They are meant to keep away nightmares. I had terrible nightmares. They have finally become less frequent. These beads didn’t stop them, but I also don’t wear necklaces to bed (I have an irrational fear of them choking me). I also hung them over the bed of the child who had night terrors as a toddler. It is a special piece of jewelry to me.
And then the blanket.
I’ve carried this blanket with me from home to home. I have owned it for 39 years.
A gift as an infant.
From my Aunt Wilma and her husband, Roger.
I always called it my Roger blanket and loved it so much. Once, when I was an older girl, not yet a teen, I asked my mother why I called it my Roger blanket. I thought perhaps it was because I watched Mr. Roger’s neighborhood and decided to name it after the show. I thought that would be an odd thing, but I was clueless as to why I called it that.
My mom told me that it was because it was from my Aunt Wilma and Uncle Roger and I must have picked up on the last name mentioned. When I was 3, my Aunt Wilma and Uncle Roger were visiting some family along with us. My mom told me that was my Uncle Roger who I had named my blanket after. As he walked away, I said: “there goes my best friend”.
My mom still laughs when she remembers that story. I’m sure it’s because she can envision exactly how I said it.
Isn’t that a great thing about memories? I have so many memories of my own children and something they said or did that makes me smile, shed a tear, or laugh out loud.
I like to think I just recognized a good soul when I met one. He doted on my Aunt Wilma and loved her strongly. They were such kind-hearted people.
When I was 16 and graduating from high school, I had no idea what type of career I might pursue. One that I considered was an accountant.
My Aunt Wilma and Uncle Roger had a friend who was an accountant and they arranged for me to spend a day shadowing him. I remember at one point he needed to take a meeting and I spent some time with another gentleman in the practice.
The one thing that other man said that I’ll never forget was that he loved what he did. He never wanted to retire. That you see people out on the golf course all day and that would never be him (this was in Naples, the land of the snowbirds, who come down to play golf {and enjoy the sunshine} after they retire).
I knew that I wanted to have that type of passion about whatever I pursued.
Are we supposed to follow “traditional” paths?
To chase dollars or prestige?
Should we send our kids to chase those things?
What if their path is not a straight line?
What if mine is not?
Do we keep doing the same thing just because it’s what we’ve always done?
Is our time better spent creating memories and seeking joy?
Finding those things that make our souls sing?
The merry-go-round will stop.
Maybe not today.
Or tomorrow.
Will it be because you chose to get off?
Or because you have no time left to make a choice?
The powerful play goes on and you will contribute a verse. -Walt Whitman
Let your light shine!
Amy
