Commitments to Self

Hello?

Oh hey! Hi there.

I haven’t written in a while. Almost two years to be exact. I was a little surprised to see that it had been that long. Why was I surprised? I don’t know. My best guess is because I had so many moments over those two years of thinking I might like to write again…but then just never followed through.

Other things just kept pulling my focus.

In my post, Day 32, I gave a quick rundown of some things that had shifted in my life over the year and a half since my fingers had last spoken through the keyboard. I did not talk about the very hard moments of my journey and there were many. If we travel back to June of 2021, when I shared my 72nd Tuesday Truth, I gave a glimpse that the journey had been rough, but that I had entered a space where I could breathe. Little did I know that we could say that I was standing in the eye of the hurricane. The details of that journey are private and shared with very few.

But the details are not necessary.

We are all human.

We all know grief and suffering to varying degrees.

We know sadness and heartache.

How sometimes the overwhelm can make it hard to breathe.

How memory can be both a blessing and curse, reminding us of beautiful times, but also striking us out of nowhere with things we’d rather forget.

And so I’ve thought about showing up here in this space. Thought about pouring out words. However, thinking doesn’t actually get the thing done.

I think I lost myself a little along the way.

But I decided this year was the year to reclaim myself.

For many years now I have an overarching “theme” for the year, distilled down in a word. You can see some of my past ones in my last annual recap, Five Years of Blogging.

For 2025 I chose the word “Self Love”.

Self Love.
self-ˈləv 
: love of self: such as
a: an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue
b: proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being

-Merriam-webster dictionary

I pick my theme for the year ahead on the winter solstice. It’s also a time when I journal through some things I want to leave behind in that year. I acknowledge my accomplishments for the year (no matter how small, we all have some. you just have to look). And I set my intentions for the year ahead. I tried to get specific with my list for 2025 because one of my strengths is keeping commitments to myself. If my commitments are nebulous there are ways for me to talk myself out of completing them. One of my most read posts to this day is 30 Days of No Alcohol (it’s only surpassed by the love letters to my daughter, found here and here). I also did an entire “this is 40” series of monthly challenges.

Everyone has a different way they best operate, but for me, a defined challenge (or intention) is the best approach. I have many intentions listed for 2025 that will keep my compass pointed to my North Star commitment of self love , but one was *to write on the blog at least one time*. At least is technically underlined in my journal. This term “at least’ is an approach I read about at some point along the way. It sets the tone for the requirement, but also leaves room for more, and was the nudge I needed to show back up.

A whole year and all I had to do was show up at some point along the way and write. Then I kept hearing about a new book called “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. I went online to see if they had it at my local library (which reminds me…I’ve also moved since our last chat 2 years ago). In the process, I found the book “The High Five Habit” by Mel Robbins and decided to read it. In it, she says to commit to starting on a dream/goal in 3 weeks. That was January 13th. I know because I wrote down a goal. A goal to write on the blog. With a commitment date of February 3rd. And here I am sitting here at my computer keeping a commitment to myself to show up on February 3rd.

Yesterday, I was thinking about how maybe my showing up here is like a butterfly finally coming out of its cocoon, but then as I pondered it more, I realized I’ve been a caterpillar all this time. I been moving along in the world, banged around, but have survived. Growing, shedding skins I no longer need, and growing more.

Now I am moving into the cocoon. A place where I can once again reach down into the place of deep thoughts and ponderings. A place for a different type of transformation to take place. And in this cocoon, I am writing my story. A story of self love. I am remembering my value and what I bring to this world as my most authentic self.

Little love notes. And in case you’ve forgotten or lost yourself somewhere along the way, I am sending out these little love notes to remind you that you have value too. To remind you to shower yourself with self love.

I plan to keep digging deep to unearth the words that have been so elusive. To chase them down, to pull them from earth and air and bring them here to share.

I have never stopped looking for the beauty in the midst of chaos and I hope that you don’t either.

Let your light shine!

Amy