Little Love Notes

She’s baaaack!

Were you wondering if I would actually show back up?

So was I.

But here I am.

Because, let’s be honest, there’s no better day to show up in a year committing to self-love (missed that?… check out Commitments to Self) than on Valentine’s Day.

To be candid, I still have no clue if the words will show up. I have moments when I wonder where all the thoughts that used to pour out of me have gone. I haven’t touched my camera. My blog and social media rarely touched. What happened?! But then I remember that I have dabbled in the wonders of creativity.

After moving to Raleigh in the summer of 2022, I decided to pursue some artistic endeavors. If you followed me on Instagram, you’ve probably seen part of that journey.

The city of Raleigh has these amazing arts centers and that winter I was able to get into an Introduction of Wheel pottery class. It definitely had a huge learning curve. And being left-handed meant mentally readjusting positions. I throw with the wheel spinning clockwise, which if you aren’t familiar with wheel thrown pottery is the opposite of the standard, outside of Japan and Korea. I know, I know…and have been told by some…you can throw with either hand since both are needed, and I probably can, but it was more comfortable to throw with the wheel spinning clockwise. Most everything in my life is me adjusting myself to a right handed world, and while both hands are used, they are doing different things.

All that to say, I fell in love with pottery. I took more classes and joined the studio. To be sure, it was a humbling experience. So many moments for something to go wrong. Working so hard to get it centered, then knocking it off-center by a smidge. Stretching the limits of the clay too far, and crashing the pot. It breaking during the drying process…you messing up while trimming…or something goes wrong in the firing process. Glazes not coming out the way you envisioned. On and on.

They tell you in pottery, never get attached to a piece of work. This is because of all the parts of the process where things can go wrong. Some days it was like meditation, just being there putting my hands in the clay, working the earth, connecting to ancient practices of forming things. Even if nothing was salvageable from that day, I left happy to have gotten my hands dirty. Others days, I just wanted to scream because I felt like my stuff was never going to be centered, everything looked like crap, and I had a bunch of reclaimed clay that I’d have to deal with later.

Over time, I came to peace with moving forward with some pieces that others might want to scrap. They weren’t perfectly centered and they had parts of the walls that were too thin, but something about them made me happy. Sometimes, post-throw, I’d modify their shapes by hand. And then I would experiment with different glaze combos. I also realized that not everyone likes the same thing (I mean, I did know that, but how it played out in life was interesting). I have pieces that I hate and that my husband or kids love its shape or glaze color or what not. And then some of my favorites they feel meh about. That was very freeing for a perfectionist like me. It allowed me to not confine my journey to what I thought the end result should look like.

I also found community. While I definitely had moments of imposter syndrome because there were some amazing artists, everyone I encountered was kind and helpful. It was nice to go to a place where people knew your name. The studios were the main thing that kept me from really wanting to move from Raleigh. But as I mentioned, we did. I have finally made my way back to the beach. Not the beach of my hometown, Naples. And not back to the Gulf. Not even back to Florida. But we did move down to Wilmington, NC and I am soaking up the scent of the salt air. It brings peace to my soul. We remodeled a house that turned into a MUCH larger project than we anticipated, so I’ve not put time into community yet, but it’s on the horizon.

So while this is my year to pursue self-love (I’ll drop it’s definition right here in case you missed it last time):

Self Love.
self-ˈləv 
: love of self: such as
a: an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue
b: proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being

-Merriam-webster dictionary

I am able to reflect and see little moments where I allowed myself a little love. The pottery that’s stacked in the closet and the pieces that are randomly placed around my office are little love notes to myself. Times where I moved outside of my comfort zone and sought out my own happiness.

I also think the journey of creating a piece of pottery can be a metaphor for life. We often want things to come together smoothly. But there’s so much that can knock us off center. When we are stretched too far, collapse is inevitable. Sometimes the fires of life break us apart. There are moments that cut too deep…some that can be smoothed over or patched, and others that cannot and we have to move on and start again. However, we can find joy in those imperfect pieces. Mold them into something new. See them in a new light.

This is my little love note to you.

As you pull up the walls of a cylinder, one pull is typically a full rotation. The next pull again begins at the bottom, but you are pulling the wall higher each time. There is a saying that life is like a spiral, you come back to the same place, but you are on a new level…you have a new awareness. Just as with the forming of clay, you can dig deep within yourself, excavate, bring up what you need to the surface and integrate it.

Enjoy the process.

Change the form.

Release the need for perfection.

Appreciate the awe and beauty of being human, even when you’re knocked off center.

Take time to revel in nature. Whether that’s grounding your bare feet in the dirt, smelling the salt air, or smooshing your hands in clay. Plant a garden. Take a walk in the woods.

Find what makes you happy. Show yourself that you know your worth isn’t based on arbitrary moments determined by a fickle society. We all hear it said that there is no one exactly like you.

But it is true.

And that uniqueness is what makes you shine.

Go on.

Show yourself a little self love. You are so worth it.

Let your light shine!

Amy