It’s confession time!
I’ve been in and out of the blogosphere and in and out of social media. I’m trying to keep up because I genuinely care what everyone has to say and share. My mind has been overwhelmed with processing stuff going on in my life.
I had an interaction with somebody that I thought went wonderfully, and then things led me to believe that perhaps I’d been mistaken. This situation made me question whether or not that task I’d been pursuing was even worth my time. I had been sure that my prayer for direction had led to this pursuit. I was left with my mind reeling. Did I hear wrong? Was this a sign to stop the task? Was this task even worth my effort? I replayed everything over and over. I wanted to walk away from it all. To scream from the rooftop. It made me feel as though I had lost my voice.
That I was less than…
And should be silenced.
I was angry about that. Angry, bewildered, and upset with this person. Their choice had created more decisions for me. The whole situation was mind consuming. I prayed for clarity. I wanted to understand, wanted answers, wanted direction…and wanted to blame. And I wanted to blame them and those surrounding them.
On September 13th, I read the daily devotion from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. And there, in part, were these words:
Give your mind a break from its habitual judging. You form judgements about this situation, that situation, this person, that person…
And I was stopped. I felt as though my breath had been knocked out of my body. As a child, one of my favorite verses was Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged.” I clung to that verse when I would feel under the weight of judgement.
And here I was, judging them. I don’t know why they made the choice that they did, but that is not for me to understand.
I then read the devotion that I receive via email written by the women at Proverbs 31 ministries. In it, a verse was contained that I had been reflecting on the day before:
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”-Philippians 1:6
He has begun a good work in me and he will complete it. Of this, I am sure.
I ordered some books about a month ago. I was so excited when I ordered them, and so excited when they came in. Then school began, and they sat forgotten. I think it’s because now is the time for me to read them. The one that I’ve started is 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit by Nicki Koziarz. It’s based on the book of Ruth. If you’ve read my marriage post, then you know that verses from Ruth were spoken in our vows. I’m only a chapter in, but in this moment I know: I won’t be silenced. Until God tells me any different, I will continue to pursue that which he has called me to do.
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth. -Psalm 121:1-2
Music and its lyrics always speak right to my soul. This song has often come on the radio during this time and every word holds so much truth for me.
I realize that some of my readers have different religious or spiritual backgrounds than me. I also have friends who are atheist or agnostic. And if all those overlap and I’m using the wrong terms, I think you get my point. We are all on a journey and I’m pretty sure most humans can get behind the two main things I try to live by (not saying I don’t fail miserably quite often, but I try):
Do not judge & Love your neighbor as yourself.
Here and Now, I will continue to try to shine my light into the world. I sincerely hope that you will also keep beaming out your awesomeness!!
Let your light shine!